It's officially the holidays... Part Deux

Today was the first $tarbuck$ peppermint mocha of the year.  I am generally NOT a $tarbucks fan, but I am such a peppermint whore that you will find me in there at least a  dozen times over the holidays.  Particularly after shopping at Target in Clovis with my Mom.  They have an awesome $tarbucks.

Generally, I love the holidays.  The cold weather, fog, smell of pine trees.  It just makes me happy.  The cards and silly decorations.  Like Helen, it looks like Santa Claus threw up in my house most years.

This year, I can barely get up the motivation to finish addressing Christmas Cards.  I still don't have a tree.  The decorations are down from the attic, but they're just sitting in boxes in the front room.

I have no idea where my motivation went, but I suspect it's somewhere up auto-immune creek.  I feel like I am dragging myself through each day, just trying to accomplish what I can.  Without my faithful to-do list, I'd be sunk, as I seem to have no mind or memory for the things I need to accomplish.  Forget meetings and appointments, without my calendar, I'd be MIA all the time.

Even my students and coworkers are noticing the drag.  I'm usually up and about, dropping in to say hello to people, checking up on my students while they're studying.  But for the last several weeks, I've been content to sit in my office and try to work.  Meanwhile, people walk by and ask my what's wrong.  Clearly there is something down.

I mean, it's fucking Christmas.  My favorite time of the year.  The month I spend the other 11 looking forward to.  And I don't seem to be able to give a rat's ass.

I just don't get it.  I should be over the fucking moon, right?  I mean, in the last 6 months I've lost close to 30 pounds and I am down 1-2 sizes.  I have actually been exercising MORE than the recommended amount and LIKING it.  For a while I had more energy and the insomnia was gone and things were good.  Now, the insomnia is a joke, as I could sleep 15 hours a day and still be tired.

Now, before you all tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing, my Rheumatologist knows all about most of this, and I do have a referral to an endocrinologist so we can try to get to the bottom of this.  In February.

Until then, I'm just going to have to keep kicking myself in the ass and reminding myself how awesome life is, and just keep wishing for snow.

I think some snow would help a lot.