October 01, 2008

It's all so fucked up

The water heater works.  That's about it.

Tonight was bad though.  We had a fight.  A bad fight, the kind where one's parentage and sexual preferences are called into question.

I suppose the fight's over.  We were both sorry and apologized.  Hell, we were both terribly frustrated by some small carelessness that might lead to another large expense, but I think we can get it fixed tomorrow.  At least I think it can be fixed reasonably.  If not, well, just add another shitty and expensive bill to the pile.

And now I can't sleep.  He's out like a light.  I don't blame him, he's had a long hard day.  But I just can't shake the anxiety, the grouchyness.  I knew I would have trouble sleeping so I self medicated and put on a movie (Ratatouille, actually), but here I am at 20 after 2 AM.  Typing.

It's like I'm no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Hell, the shoes just keep dropping.  So many rotten things have happened over the last few weeks to people I care about, I just want to put my fingers in my ears.  And there's more.  Lauren has to put down her puppy-boy, and Kate's FIL passed away. And there's more that I can't blog about because I haven't been given permission and it's not out on the interwebs.

Tonight's issue was just another stupid thing in what seems to be a rising tide of stupid things.  I am trying so hard to keep my head above water and stay positive because really?  I have it pretty good.  I have a job I could love, a wonderful home, a sweet and adoring husband that I heap much abuse on undeservedly, and 2 loving, healthy puppies.

I guess I just feel lost.  All of these posts are such downers, but that's where I am right now.  I'm not sure where I am or what I'm doing.  Lately it's just one fucking fire to be put out after another, with no energy left to do anything else.

And now it's 2:30 and I don't feel any better than I did when I started this.


Posted by caltechgirl at October 1, 2008 02:33 AM | TrackBack

I hope you got some sleep! Late at night is the worst for anxiety... I know all about that. UGH! Listening to the news sure doesn't help. Hugs, CTG...

Posted by: Marie at October 1, 2008 03:04 AM

Well, that just sucks, all of it.

When stressed and can't sleep I: pray, read the Bible, try deep relaxation therapy or drink. Hope you get some serious sack time tonight.

Posted by: pam at October 1, 2008 05:04 AM

Aw. Hugs from here. Hope things take a turn for better SOON!

Posted by: beth at October 1, 2008 05:36 AM

I'm so sorry. I hope things get better. I hope the water heater problem turns out to be some little thing that's cheap and easy to fix.

I hope the world stops being broken for people soon.

(Unlike the LOLcat...my give-a-damn is working. All too well sometimes.)

Posted by: ricki at October 1, 2008 05:52 AM


Posted by: Phoenix at October 1, 2008 07:08 AM

I feel the same way...lots of bad/sad stuff going on around me, and it's pulling me down too.
drop me a line, we can cry together.

Posted by: Amanda at October 1, 2008 08:37 AM

Sorry about your water heater and your fight. This has been my feeling and my life for a while lately. The head injury, physically is better, the personality change, not so much. Other things going on that make it all the worse, and i just want to scream on top of a moutain - "Fuck the world" and crawl into some flannel jammies and have a beer. Perhaps that is what I will do tonight. flannel jammies and a beer for all my friends having a bad time of it as of late.

Posted by: oddybobo at October 1, 2008 10:30 AM

Hey, come by for lunch when you're going down or coming back from lunch. I wonder if you and your DH are having the same arguments that me and my DH have been having. Your post could have easily been on my blog (minus the puppies and the house). We can at least go to Quiznos and bitch (no more CJ on campus). :hugs::

Posted by: SBC at October 1, 2008 12:06 PM

I think I'll take you up on that next week.

Posted by: caltechgirl at October 1, 2008 12:19 PM


Unintentionally I got a book on tape from the library - it's one I've really been wanting to read so I went with it. I listen a little every night at bedtime - puts me right out. May be helpful for those nights when you can't sleep....

Posted by: Carmen at October 2, 2008 12:44 PM

I am right there with you. Thanks for mentioning my boy...right now, the prayers are working!!

Thinking of you...

Posted by: Lauren at October 3, 2008 09:54 PM

I just had to comment...I was having an off day, and just typed a search for 'my family is all 'effed' up, and this post came up 2nd or 3rd. I said, 'I know that lady!'...life can be so damn tough sometimes, hunh?

Now I'm off to read some of your more recent posts with fingers crossed that it's better.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at October 9, 2008 04:04 PM

Life can be a real bitch at times but you just hang in there girl! We all got shit to deal with, hell i've had so much to deal with these last four years. Just know that you're not alone.

Posted by: ziggyy at October 10, 2008 12:27 PM

You know what I typed in my search engine? Why is my life so f****d up? Your site came up and it feels good to talk to somebody who feels the same yet is so impartial. I really hope you sort your problems out really soon. There are
some good people left in the world you know.

Posted by: ziggyy at October 10, 2008 12:37 PM