You know what, white girl, it doesn't matter that you work and teach in the community. You aren't the community and you have no license to discourse about something that your priveleged white background has protected you from all of your life.

First of all, black people and white people have never been on a level playing field and when economics are the basis for male self worth as out society dictates, black men are not going to feel confident stepping up and marrying the way white men do. And when you live in a society that glorifies white women as a symbol of beauty, where images of beautiful, smart, strong black women such as myself are absent from every form of media, black children, particularly black girls will not develop the same level of self esteem or acceptance that white women have, undeservedly at that.

I am a strong, educated, upper middle class black woman. I have a degree from Carnegie Mellon University. I work for one of the best educational non-profit programs in the country, I have at least $45K in savings, I have taught at the best independent schools in this country and I was raised in a two parent household and guess what? I am a single parent.

I was taught to keep my legs closed and to only be sexually intimate with someone I loved, but when I was preyed upon by white men in college who thought I was "exotic", no one prepared me for that experience. And I dare you to look at abortion rates among white women. You holier than thou white women act as though you don't have sex outside of the marriage. The fact of the matter is that you don't value children the way the black women do, but of course, no one is talking about that, are they?

The father of my child is a good man who is trying to make it in this f----ed up society that doesn't value him as both a musician and a black man. You will never live our lives, you will never walk in our shoes and until you examine the undeserved privilege that you have lived all of your damn life, I suggest you shut the hell up and get the hell out of the community you are in because you obviously are a fake, liberal white women with absolutely no respect or regard for the beauty and quality of the people that you are serving.

A fake liberal white woman? ME????? Honey, you obviously didn't take the time to look around, did you?

Ha. And BTW, poor is poor. I had to pull myself up from nowhere too.

Until people LIKE YOU stop making excuses for your community, things won't change.

And so what if I'm white? When you're too close to the problem, sometimes you lose sight of what's really going on.

When I was in the lower years in school, long time ago now, I took a taxi home each day (Ah, government subsidies...). One of the passangers had to be the victim. He just knew no other roll to play. The first words I heard him say were "Dont say Merc, it annoys me." (He had a learning disability of some type). There followed much Mercing over the next few days and much scraming from him, until the passangers became bored. Then he would just remind he what he doesn't like or hint, apparently randomly, "Dont pull my tie."

The victim is a clear role. Victims know what is expected of them. They have a clear 'enemy' to dislike and to blame for all their problems. They can appeal for the sympathy of others.

Just look at the Evangelical christians - how many of those believe there is some form of vast secular conspiracy, probably headed by the ACLU, to outlaw all christian worship?

This is the best sentence of the entire comment:

"The father of my child is a good man who is trying to make it in this f----ed up society that doesn't value him as both a musician and a black man."

First, white musicians -- all of them -- are valued by society, they're all millionaires; they never sleep in the backs of their vans parked in the lot behind the dive that booked their latest gig. Second, this is an old, circular argument. It goes like this: White people oppress black people. Because they are the victims of racism, black people may talk about racism in our society. White people, even though they allegedly perpetrate that very racism, may not discuss the racism because they are not the victims.

But who's being racist?

You know what, white girl, it doesn't matter that you work and teach in the community. You aren't the community and you have no license to discourse about something that your priveleged white background has protected you from all of your life.

First of all, black people and white people have never been on a level playing field and when economics are the basis for male self worth as out society dictates, black men are not going to feel confident stepping up and marrying the way white men do. And when you live in a society that glorifies white women as a symbol of beauty, where images of beautiful, smart, strong black women such as myself are absent from every form of media, black children, particularly black girls will not develop the same level of self esteem or acceptance that white women have, undeservedly at that.

I love a good argument!
Okay- first off- NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING matters except family. And when I say family, I mean a close-knit family, one where the parents teach the children about being a good person, love, having goals, how to achieve those goals, etc.

It doesn't matter if you are black, white, purple or green.

In a home where family members extoll the degradation of ANY race is not a good home. I don't care if that be a comment about 'honky's,' 'nigger's,' 'wetbacks,' or any other slur in the form of a joke- or if it is a complaint about how one race is looked 'down upon' by another. If words or statements of that nature are what the children hear growing up- what do you think that child will grow up learning?

No- this world is not fair. It has never been and it will never be. Accept that. Teach your child (and any child you have contact with) how to accept the world AND the different people in it- teach them they don't have to like what other people like because everyone is different- teach them that there are assholes in the world, but they don't have to be one, and to understand that anyone that makes demeaning statements about any race is ignorant. But that they [the child] shouldn't hold it against someone because in doing so, they will taint themself with the poison of the ignorant.

Playing the victim is easier than rising above it. Your life depends on the choices YOU make. An ignorant racist is an obstacle everyone must overcome, not just the race being degraded.

ANYONE can be racist. Making a remark about someone because they are white/black/blue IS BEING RACIST. If someone lives and works in a community, they are PART of that community- their skin color doesn't matter.

Calling attention to your race, statements degrading another race, getting angry at someone not for what they said, but because they said it and they aren't the same race as you....it's all racism. And everyone loses.

"People don't know no better. When they know better, they do better."
Maya Angelou

"marriage is for white people"? Is that possibly code for marriage is for successful people? how would a kid know what is success and what attains to successful people? he's a kid! he has no psychic background, among other things. my golly! how things spiraled upward from a remark by a kid! from where I am, I have seen an awful lot of kids from miserable backgrounds (insufficient food, clothing, nurturing, etc.) make it good and make it big no matter what their ethnicity. the human spirit blooms perenially evergreen.

As a white girl who was born in the projects and no family to really speak of and lots of other myriad strikes against me, I hate the whole divide and war and whatever it's called. I was recently in upper management in a company where I supervised an African-American girl who refused to apply herself and cry "pity me" when handed an assignment.

The CEO (also her aunt and who hired her based not on ability but on bloodline and potential) used to bitch at me to be more lenient with her because she didn't grow up "with the opportunities (I) had."

Um, the girl? Wore Jones New York suits every day and had a very well-off mother who bailed her out all the time. And she went to way better schools than me. It was just clear which one of us had maximized our education and applied ourselves. And that's not a racial thing -- I'd be disappointed in anybody who didn't maximize whatever opportunities they either earned or were handed.

I have no business and no knowledge of the marriage situation and how people are conditioned. But as a supervisor in a unique situation, I know I struggled a lot with how much I was able to expect from my employee and how much of a headache I would get in response to delegating work she clearly wasn't interested in doing to help the department while cultivating/honing a skill set for herself.