March 23, 2006

Thursday Funnies

Stolen WHOLESALE from here:

How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, andone to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review churchlighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

I had to add this one from my own experience:

Orthodox: None. They would do it the opposite way from the Catholics, but they're too cheap to replace the bulbs when they burn out.

Posted by caltechgirl at March 23, 2006 01:01 PM | TrackBack

LOL on the Orthodox.

Posted by: IB Bill at March 23, 2006 01:33 PM

Don't forget non-denominational Evangelical: 11 - One to invite their friend with the burnt out bulb to church, Seven to play in the worhsip band, one to give a testimonial on how dark his own socket once was, one to preach on coming out of the darkness and in to the light, and one volunteer counselor to change it for them after they come forward.

Posted by: Brian B at March 23, 2006 02:18 PM


Posted by: vw bug at March 23, 2006 03:49 PM

Atheist: "Light bulb? I don't see any light bulb. Why are you getting all in a tizzy about this mythical light bulb?"

Posted by: McGehee at March 24, 2006 12:04 PM

Agnostic: Maybe the switch is just off....

Posted by: Brian B at March 24, 2006 01:32 PM

Anglican: I am not qualified to perform the light-bringing ritual. I will have to consult my superior.

Casual-christian: Why does the bulb require replacement?

Fundy: Having searched the bible for any reference to light bulbs, including any phrases in greek or aramaic which may have been translated into 'light bulb', the conclusion has been reached that these objects do not exist.

Posted by: Suricou Raven at March 25, 2006 01:33 PM

LOL... thinking of the Unitarian services I've attended as a guest & nodding....

Posted by: Marie at March 26, 2006 05:01 PM