Your Friday Funnies

or, Yet Another Reason I am going to hell....

The LOLCatz bible.  Yep.

Matthew 1:

1. Dis book of genie-ologee of Jesus Christ, son of Dave, son of Abe:

2. Abe maded Isaac, Isaac maded Jake, Jake maded Jude and hiz bros.

3. Jude maded Perry and Zeryy wit Tammmy. Perry maded Hez, and Zerry maded Ram.

4. Ram maded Amminy, Amminy maded Nathan and Nathan maded Salmon. Not the fish, lol.

5. Salmon maded Bo, Bo maded Obe wit Ruth, Obe maded Jesse

6. and Jesse maded King Dave teh king. King Dave teh king maded Solomon wit sum chick that used to made peoples wit Uriah. Lol, Uriah got pwned.

7. Solomon maded Rebby, Rebby maded Abi and Abi maded Asa.

8. Asa maded Jehoseh...sumtin, and he maded Jorry and Jorry maded Uzzy.

9. Uzzy maded Jotham, Jotham maded Ahaz and Ahaz maded Hezeky.

10. Hezeky maded anny, Manny maded Ammy and Ammy maded Josh.

11. Josh maded Jecony and hiz bros, was bout when they was carryeded to Babblylon.

12. And after they was in Babblylon Jecon maded Shealty, and Shealty maded Zerubbabbabbabbabba.

13. Zerubbabbabbabbabba maded Abey, Abey maded Eli and Eli maded Az.

14. Az maded Zaddy, Zaddy maded Achy and Achy maded diffrent Eli.

15. Diffrent Eli maded other diffrent Eli, other diffrent Eli maded Matty and Matty maded Jake.

16. And Jake maded Joe. Joe was teh mister of Mary, and she maded Jesus, who gets called Christ, liek all teh time. Srsly.

17. So all teh genenerayshuns from Abe to Dave am 14 genenerayshuns, frm Dave to gettin lockeded up in Babblylon am 14 genenerayshuns, and frm gettin lockeded up in Babblylon to teh Christ am 14 genenerayshuns. Srsly.

18. Now, teh burth of teh Christ was liek dis: After Marry and Joe were all "We's gonna get marrieded, kthnx", but before dey could had teh secks (Not 2 sai dey eva did had secks), Mary was all preggers from the Holey Ghosty.

19. Joe was all liek "Oh snap, dis embarrassin. I's gonna hide mah wife".

20. But when he was tihnkin, zomg, angel frm Invisible Man was in his dreems! Angel sayed "Hai, don't be fraided to has Mary for ur wife, cuz her baby be frm Holey Ghosty.

21. "And she gonna made a son, and you gonna call him Jesus, cuz he gonna save ppl and pwn dere sinz."

22. So all dis was all did so it'd be all liek Invisible Man sayed it was gonna be. His profet was all liek:

23. "Hay guise, look at dis, teh virgin iz all preggers, and dey gonna call him Immany", dat means "Invisible Man wit us"

24. Then Joe woked up, done wat teh angel frm Invisible Man tolded him to, and was all liek "U wit me now (Tho, Mary is teh Invisible Man's wife) lol" at Mary.

25. And dey ner had secks (So dat Mary could be called "Queen of Invisible Man's Kingdom") evn affer dey gets a son and calleded him Jesus.

NIV translation below the fold for comparison...

Matthew 1
The Genealogy of Jesus

1A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the son of David, the son of Abraham:
2Abraham was the father of Isaac,
Isaac the father of Jacob,
Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers,
3Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar,
Perez the father of Hezron,
Hezron the father of Ram,
4Ram the father of Amminadab,
Amminadab the father of Nahshon,
Nahshon the father of Salmon,
5Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
6and Jesse the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife,
7Solomon the father of Rehoboam,
Rehoboam the father of Abijah,
Abijah the father of Asa,
8Asa the father of Jehoshaphat,
Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram,
Jehoram the father of Uzziah,
9Uzziah the father of Jotham,
Jotham the father of Ahaz,
Ahaz the father of Hezekiah,
10Hezekiah the father of Manasseh,
Manasseh the father of Amon,
Amon the father of Josiah,
11and Josiah the father of Jeconiah[a] and his brothers at the time of the exile to Babylon.
12After the exile to Babylon:
Jeconiah was the father of Shealtiel,
Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel,
13Zerubbabel the father of Abiud,
Abiud the father of Eliakim,
Eliakim the father of Azor,
14Azor the father of Zadok,
Zadok the father of Akim,
Akim the father of Eliud,
15Eliud the father of Eleazar,
Eleazar the father of Matthan,
Matthan the father of Jacob,
16and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

17Thus there were fourteen generations in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the exile to Babylon, and fourteen from the exile to the Christ.[b]
The Birth of Jesus Christ

18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,[c] because he will save his people from their sins."

22All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"[d]—which means, "God with us."

24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.