December 29, 2006

The Final F*ck Off

The final Friday F*ck Off thread of 2006 is posted at it comes in pints? for your reading and venting pleasure.  Complete with some of this year's best F*ck Offs.

The winner, for sheer volume of F*ck-ed-ness and creativity, however, is Val, with these posts (NSFW, so posted below the jump) under the category of "Love Thy Neighbors":

I never knew you had it in you, my friend.

October 13:
"My shit ass neighbor that still has icicle christmas lights up on the eaves from 2004 that no longer work and who proceeded to add more lights in 2005 on the same eaves without removing the old icicle lights: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU LAZY ASS GHETTO FABULOUS MAKE EVERYONE'S PROPERTY VALUES DROP STUPID FUCKING FUCKHEAD OF A FUCKING FUCKTARD. And please, this year, dont leave your fucking brown Christmas tree out in the front lawn until fucking July, you FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCKING FUCK NEIGHBOR."

October 20
"To all those drivers that see fit to make a fucking uturn on my fucking lawn because youre too fucking dumb to fucking read the fucking roads signs while youre driving and thus always, ALWAYS, turn into my street when it clearly states 'NO THRU STREET' right on the fucking corner: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU GRASS KILLING, CANT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF A SIMPLE ROAD SIGN I GOT MY DRIVER'S LISENCE WITH FOOD STAMPS ON EBAY DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKING MIAMI FUCKHEAD DRIVERS."

November 3
"To my neighbor, who sees fit to mow his lawn and trim his trees and then blow all the leaves and twigs and fucking green LEAFY bullshit over to the front of my yard: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCK. I have more FUCKING TREES THAN YOU, YOU LEAF BLOWING FUCKHOLE, AND A YARD TWICE YOU SIZE. GET READY TO RAKE SOME FUCKING SHIT YOU FUCKING TREE TRIMMING, LEAVE YOUR DEAD BROWN CHRISTMAS TREE IN THE FRONT LAWN TIL JULY SANFORD AND SON GHETTO FABULOUS TRASH COLLECTING PEA BRAINED FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCKING FUCKTARD. AND CLEAN YOU FUCKING CESSPOOL OF A POOL, FUCKER, BEFORE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU FOR A REAL MAN WITHOUT FUCKING MALARIA."

And an Honorable Mention for this one vs. The Dry Cleaner:

"To the fucking dry cleaner that serviced the shirt I put on this morningin a hurry only to have the buttons turn to fucking sand in my fingers: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING BUTTON BURNING FUCKER! With an extra added FUCK THE FUCK OFF for not understanding what the FUCK light starch means. I need to be able to move my arms when Im wearing a shirt you FUCKING OVERSTARCHING FUCKER!"


Posted by caltechgirl at December 29, 2006 02:44 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Hail Obi-Wan of FO!

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at December 29, 2006 02:58 PM

Gottdamned poetic.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at December 29, 2006 03:48 PM

It is hard to pick out a favorite!!!

Posted by: Amy at December 29, 2006 04:55 PM

how did I miss this as a regular topic? I could do entries every now and then.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at December 29, 2006 07:49 PM

Ha ha ha ha ... I worked with a couple of men that could compete in this and possible get honorable mentions!! This is great.

Posted by: vw bug at December 30, 2006 05:00 AM

For you folks who haven't participated before, but feel the urge, Emily posts it every Friday sometime between 7 and 9 am PST ("God's Time").

Drop by and say "Fuck Off"!

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at December 30, 2006 04:38 PM

Bwahahaha! I laughed myself damn-near in half over that! Mrs. Who just gave me a serves-you-right look as I was in tears...

Looks like I have a new outlet - one that won't make Mrs. Who quite so... uncomfortable... as when I go off on one of my 'Sanford and Son Ghetto Fabulous' rants.

Hate to drive the property-value down at the HoZ after all that hard-work, you know... ;-)

Posted by: Bitterroot at January 1, 2007 01:17 PM