April 12, 2006

Welcome to California

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes...

You know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $400,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian!

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the smug bastard at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license away. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

via an email from the CaltechMom!

Posted by caltechgirl at April 12, 2006 01:53 PM | TrackBack

1) You're sending me through the metal detector?
2) Now you're just being greedy. $106,000 is the annual income in SoCal to afford a median house.
3) There are people who ride buses? I thought they were just there to hold up advertising.

11) and he can't afford housing either. And likes the special coffee beans too.

14) water falling from the sky is an unnatural occurrence. Like snow, rain is supposed to be in the mountains.

Posted by: Bill at April 12, 2006 02:13 PM

re #9: I have to park two huge-assed trucks in a Prius-infected area of Oakland where the richer Berkeley hippies were able to flee to. Pain in my Right-wing, gas-guzzling ass.

Posted by: Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith at April 12, 2006 04:09 PM

USGS reports an earthquake out in the Pacific. Local news issues a "Tsunami Advisory". People flood out to Ocean Beach to watch for it.
You're doing a U turn on the 205, trying to stay above 55, dodging the median obstacles while reloading, and your agent calls.
Do Breatheairians have a position on fragrance free aroma therapy?

Posted by: Ed at April 12, 2006 04:32 PM

LOL - love #18!

This makes NY sound not so bad!

Posted by: Marie at April 12, 2006 05:39 PM

#21 - you know every cliche used by the reporters covering a high speed chase.

#22 - there are two speeds on the freeway, 75 and 4.

#23 - all freeways are the freeway

Posted by: KG at April 12, 2006 07:20 PM

That's almost as hysterical as it is scary!

; )

Posted by: Christina at April 13, 2006 11:17 AM