April 11, 2006
Office Vocabulary
Basil posted this, but I have the original memo...
TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.
The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore the management has compiled the following code phrases, so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue unabated.
| Old Phrase | New Phrase |
|---|---|
| No f*cking way | I'm not certain that's feasible. |
| You've got to be sh*tting me | Really? |
| Tell someone who gives a f*ck | Perhaps you should check with ... |
| Ask me if I give a f*ck | Of course I'm concerned. |
| It's not my f*cking problem | I wasn't involved in that project. |
| What the f*ck? | That's interesting behavior. |
| F*ck it, it won't work | I'm not sure I can implement this. |
| Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that sooner? | I'll try to schedule that. |
| When the f*ck do you expect me to do this? | Perhaps I can work late. |
| Who the f*ck cares? | Are you sure it's a problem? |
| He's got his head up his a$$ | He's not familiar with that problem. |
| Eat sh*t | You don't say. |
| Eat sh*t and die | Excuse me? |
| Eat sh*t and die motherf*cker | Excuse me, sir? |
| What the f*ck do they want from me? | They weren't happy with it? |
| Kiss my a$$ | So you'd like help with it? |
| F*ck it. I'm on salary | I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. |
| Shove it up your a$$ | I don't think you understand. |
| This job sucks | I love a challenge. |
| Who the hell died and made you boss? | You want me to take care of this? |
| Blow me | I see. |
| Blow yourself | Do you see? |
| Another f*cking meeting | Yes, we should discuss this. |
| I really don't give a sh*t | I don't think it will be a problem. |
| F*ck you | How nice. |
| F*ck you sideways | How very nice. |
| He's a f*cking pr*ck. | He's somewhat insensitive. |
| She's a ball busting bitch. | She's an aggressive go getter. |
| You don't know what the f*ck you're doing. | I think you could use more training. |
Nope, it won't fxxxing work. None of the dumb f*cks ever read a gotdam office memo unless it has sumthin to do with a day off with pay
Posted by: GUYK at April 12, 2006 03:02 AMNew phrase for what GuyK said: "I'll post this where everyone will get a chance to see it." (without mentioning that means the inside of the door of the restroom stall)
Posted by: McGehee at April 12, 2006 05:58 AM
