February 22, 2006

A Letter to my furry friends...

My Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR, and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.  

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.  Dogs and cats can actually curl  up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular  to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also  know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the  other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the  bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there, and  manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to  turn the knob or get your paw under the edge, and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been  using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is NOT mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's bottoms.  I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the  following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Would Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here.  You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter...who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.  Dogs and cats are better
than kids.  They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes and don't need a gazillion dollars for college!


h/t CaltechMom Posted by caltechgirl at February 22, 2006 12:36 PM | TrackBack

So farookin true!

Posted by: oddybobo at February 22, 2006 12:54 PM

That's great!

Posted by: Ith at February 22, 2006 01:46 PM

THAT kicks ass. Since I have five furry critters, I can completely relate!

Posted by: Dana at February 22, 2006 05:50 PM

Heh. I think it's cute when my mom's cat sticke her paw under the bathroom door.

Posted by: Ben at February 22, 2006 07:03 PM

Have you been lurking around my house?

Posted by: jen at February 23, 2006 10:13 AM

LOVE it!!

; )

Posted by: Chrissy at February 23, 2006 10:20 AM

You sure nailed that one, I can totally relate. With our two furry dogs in the house there is never a shortage of hair on furniture, carpets, us. We used to have one of our dogs sleep on our bed, but he became a dead weight in the middle of the bed, making it impossible to roll over!

I always stress when non dog owners come over, and treat the dogs like they have the plague or something, or get stressed about dog hair.

Posted by: Amanda at February 23, 2006 03:32 PM

How nice. With you on this one!

Posted by: Mark at February 26, 2006 07:46 AM

I try to wear fur-friendly clothes when I go to all my friends' houses. Every single one of them has at least one cat or dog, usually more. And since I like my friends and their pets, that means I wear things that aren't black or white or extra fuzzy and just have a nice visit without worrying too much about fur. :-)

Posted by: Princess Jami at February 27, 2006 02:29 PM