An alternative SOTU

From recent bloggy find Aaron of Subject To Change:

"The state of our union could not be stronger. In the year 2001, this nation was brutally attacked by an organization bent on the destruction of our way of life. Yet, just a few short years later the average American is mostly concerned with what's on the TV, especially since it's Oscar season. This demonstrates the strength of the American people. Even the most tragic of events can't stop us from pursuing our dreams.

We have kept ourselves safe by fighting terrorism at its source: Walmart. Walmart's low-low prices are increasing individual's buying power and creating a critical mass of useless crap in every household. Unless this menace is stopped, all of our natural resources will be turned into excessive packaging and landfilled out of existence. So long as we remain focused on fighting the evil empire that is destroying our culture from the inside, we have nothing to fear."