Eat this Coach K

Well Duh

It's dook.

Wouldn't expect any less :-)

It's March Madness Babeeeee

The Big Dance started last night, and rather than whine about the bracket (MSU v UNC in the second round???), here are a couple of basketball funnies:

First (paraphrased from the Paladin):

A family of dook basketball supporters headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy’s birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a UNC jersey and says to his older sister, “I’ve decided to become a Tar Heel fan and I would like this UNC jersey for my birthday.”
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him in the head and says, “Go talk to mother.”
Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. “Mom?”
“Yes son?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to be a UNC fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday”.
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, “Go talk to your father!”
Off he goes with the UNC jersey in hand and finds his father. “Dad?”
“Yes son?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to be a 'Heels fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday.”
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!”
About half an hour later they’re all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today?”
The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”
“Good son, what is it?”
The son replies, “I’ve only been a Carolina fan for an hour and I already hate you dook bastards.”

And second, an oldie but a goodie:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, see what I've made..."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a hard place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be lovely but poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a place. "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "Chapel Hill, the most glorious place on Earth. I made it from a little corner of Heaven. There are beautiful women and an exquisite campus that is called UNC. The people from Chapel Hill are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a great and wondrous basketball team swathed in cloth made from the Sky itself. The team will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied, "Fear not, Michael. Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them in Durham."

This should be plenty of proof for the Llamas

Gradumacation!

So yesterday was our school's graduation ceremony.  We're a small university, but it's still fun to get dressed up and see all of my colleagues in their academic regalia, too. 

The color and style of the robe, hood, and cap denote the wearer's academic degree, field of study, and alma mater, so in a full faculty group, you get a pretty wide variety, although most are some variation of black robe, mortarboard cap, and royal blue or green velvet on the hood.

Mine aren't!

Damn Good Day!

I woke up to hear that dookie Golden Boy and probably 1st-round NBA pick JJ Redick was busted for DWI (that's driving while impaired for all you non- Tar Heels) at 1am last night.  Evidently Mr. Smartypants thought he could make an illegal U-turn to avoid a DUI checkpoint.  Yeah, nothing like calling attention to yourself, right, Star-Boy?

Then, I got to work, checked the news and heard that President Ballsy Bush made a surprise trip to Baghdad, where he visited briefly with troops in the Green Zone and met with the new Iraqi cabinet.

Also, we're having a potluck for lunch and I have a long meeting that gets me out of sitting in my office.  Yay!

Rivalry Week Part I

The UNC Tar Heels take on the dookies tonight at Cameron Indoor H.S. Gymnasium.  It looks to be a good game, as dook always plays up against UNC and at home.  The Tar Heels are coming off a lackluster loss to NC State, and from the look on Ol' Roy's face after the game, I suspect we'll see a different team tonight.

In honor of my Boys, our alma mater:

Hark the sound of Tar Heel voices
Ringing clear and True
Singing Carolina's praises
Shouting N.C.U.

Hail to the brightest Star of all
Clear its radiance shine
Carolina priceless gem,
Receive all praises thine.

I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred
And when I die I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's RAH, RAH, Car'lina 'lina
RAH, RAH, Car'lina 'lina
RAH, RAH, Car'lina
RAH! RAH! RAH! (Go to Hell State!)

I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred
And when I die I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's RAH, RAH, Car'lina 'lina
RAH, RAH, Car'lina 'lina
RAH, RAH, Car'lina
RAH! RAH! RAH! (Go to Hell dook!)

'Neath the oaks the sons true hearted
Homage pay to thee
Time worn walls give back their echo
Hail to U.N.C.

Though the storms of life assail us
Still our hearts beat true
Naught can break the friendships formed at
Dear old N.C.U.

Tobacco Road will be on fire tonight, whether it's the dook commons or Franklin Street.  I'm hoping for bonfires on Franklin Street, of course....

One more before I go, an oldie but a goodie:

A family of dook basketball supporters headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday.  While in the sports
shop the son picks up a UNC jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Tar Heel fan and I would like this UNC jersey for my birthday.  His big sister is outraged by this and  promptly whacks him in the head and says, "Go talk to mother.  Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a UNC fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."  The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"  Off he goes with the UNC jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a 'Heels fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."  The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"  About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today."  The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Carolina fan for an hour and I already hate you dook bastards."

Boo Yeah!

Tar Heels took it to the dookies in Cameron!

79-73

Love Those Heels!

dook's newest ranking

dook was out of the Top 25 in Men's NCAA hoops this week for the first time in 11 years after losing 4 ACC games in a row.  So in honor of that auspicious occasion, I give you this:

CHAPEL HILL, NC--Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski reassured his slumping basketball team, which fell from the national top-25 rankings for the first time in 11 years following losses to Virginia, Florida State, UNC, and Maryland that they are in fact the very first team to have fallen off the charts. "Don't worry, gentlemen, we're the first team listed once you get past all the those teams there in the poll," Krzyzewski said in a post-practice team meeting at which he unveiled a banner stating the new team philosophy, "Unbeaten In Practice Equals Practically Unbeaten." "Duke is not just another also-ran, we're the top shelf of the second tier of college basketball." Krzyzewski blamed his team's recent fall in the rankings to a combination of unusually even-handed officiating, and "vengeful" opposing teams "running up the score" to a total of one or more points than Duke's.

Mwahahahahahahahahaha

"dookies" aptly named

Gerald Henderson's sucker punch last night was a fucking cheap shot.

And that's not just because I'm a Heels fan.  Henderson took at least three steps from his previous position near the sideline, jumped, and brought his forearm down directly on Tyler Hansborough's face. It was nothing more or less than a bitch slap.

dook was down 12 points with 14.5 seconds left in the game. There was no point in playing that close on defense, LET ALONE getting airborne to deliver some kind of fucked up karate chop.

Watch it for yourself:

As Tim Montemayor, sitting in on Tim Brando's Sporting News Radio show, said this afternoon: What if Hansborough had been seriously injured? After all, the nose is right next to the BRAIN. Furthermore (again from Monty), what would the basketball talking heads be saying if this was another team, not dook. What if it was John Chaney or John Calipari on the bench instead of Coach Can-I-Buy-A-Vowel?
Would this pass so easily if it wasn't a dookie?

The sporting media's pro-dook bias is stunning. I mean, who hasn't heard Dickie V called "Dookie V?" There's a reason. And he's not alone. Yes, dook has a reputation for running a tight ship, for demanding excellence and not tolerating poor sportsmanship.

Well, if that's the case, why isn't the University imposing its own suspension on Henderson? Especially as the ACC came out this afternoon saying that the only reason Henderson will sit out the first ACC tourney game this weekend is because he was ejected from the UNC game on Sunday, and ACC rules require ANY ejected player to be suspended from the following game. In other words, the ACC thinks that Hansborough's nose magically started bleeding on its own.

Anybody that delivers that kind of flagrant shit hit deserves to be done for more than one game. He hit him IN THE HEAD. In football, a helmet hit gets 3 times as much punishment.

Methinks it comes down to the cash. dook with Henderson is a better team than dook without Henderson. And the farther dook goes in the tourney (either the ACC this weekend OR the Big Dance), the more $$ for the ACC, the NCAA, and the TV....

In any case, I am glad to hear Tyler isn't hurt badly, just a small non-displaced fracture, for which he is being fitted for an acrylic mask. Looks like the return of HawkMan!

And we all know what happened the last time UNC had HawkMan on the hardwood.
Go Heels!

Tears in (Blue) Heaven for Carolina's Mascot

Rameses the Ram has died.

Jason Ray, the Carolina senior who portrayed mascot Rameses the Ram during sports and other events over the last three years has died today of injuries he sustained last week in a bizarre car crash just before the Tar Heels' Sweet Sixteen appearance in the NCAA tournament.

From ESPN.com:

Jason Ray [...] had been in critical condition since the accident on Route 4 on Friday afternoon. He had been in New Jersey for the men's NCAA Tournament game between North Carolina and Southern California at Continental Airlines Arena.

Steve Kirscher, UNC's associate athletics director for communications, said Ray died at 8:38 a.m. Monday.

According to police, Ray left his hotel to go to a nearby convenience store Friday afternoon, and was walking back along Route 4 when he was struck from behind by an SUV. The driver stopped immediately to call 911. No charges have been filed.

Police said Gagik Hovsepyan, 51, the driver who hit Ray, had a valid driver's license and did not appear to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. His son was asleep in the SUV at the time, police said.

To be clear, Jason was dressed in street clothes and was well off the main roadway at the time of the accident.

Jason had played the part of Rameses Ram for three years and was about to graduate with a degree in Business Administration, and a minor in Religion.  I myself have chased him around, hoping to get a picture with my favorite mascot.

Carolina's official sports web page, TarHeelBlue.com has a nice tribute to Jason written by Adam Lucas:

Communication, of course, is one of the hardest parts of being a mascot. That fall day at the Children's Hospital, Ray--as Rameses--walked up to me. His big paw was grasping a folded piece of paper, and he was making a motion I didn't understand.

I eventually figured out he wanted me to hold the paper for him until the event was over. Once all the kids had been hugged and the last picture had been taken, Rameses finally disappeared...and Jason Ray reappeared.

"Thanks for holding that picture," he said. As he unfolded it, he proudly displayed a child's drawing of Rameses.

"I'd like to take this with me, if that's OK," he told the program coordinator. "One of the patients gave it to me."

Then he walked out, big bulky trash bag in one hand, picture in the other. It was the perfect portrait of someone who had spent most of the day giving...and unexpectedly received something, too.

Jason was clearly that kind of person.  It showed in the way he portrayed Rameses.  Always kind to the children, funny with adults, willing to play the joke on himself if it entertained the crowd.  I never met Jason, or his predecessors in the suit during my time at UNC, but I always wished I could let them know that I respected them as much as the players on the field or court.  Being the mascot is a really tough job.

This is the second terrible roadside tragedy to hit the Tar Heel sports family in four years.  Sideline reporter and UNC alum Stephen Gates was killed in a hit and run on the side of the interstate in Chapel Hill in October 2003.

This just highlights the importance of roadside safety.  Be aware, use the sidewalk where possible, and remember Jason and Stephen.

God Bless the Ray family.  Rest In Peace, Jason.

Buh-Bye Blue Devils!

It appears the dookie spelling test got 50% easier.  But you still have to spell Krzyzewski, as it's coach Gail Goestenkors that's leaving town:

Goestenkors was widely considered the top candidate to replace Hall of Famer Jody Conradt at Texas after her sudden resignation last month.

The night Conradt retired, Texas officials made it clear they would be willing to pay for a top-notch coach. Conradt earned $550,000 a year. While Goestenkors' salary at Duke is not a public record, it was believed the private school would be unlikely to match a high offer from the Longhorns.

Goestenkors visited the Texas campus last week, when she met with women's athletic director Chris Plonsky and members of the school's search committee and toured the Longhorns' facilities.

Goestenkors coached the Blue Devils to four Final Fours and two appearances in the national championship game. Her last Duke team was one of her best. The Blue Devils ended the regular season ranked No. 1 and held the top overall seed in the NCAA tournament, but were upset in the regional semifinals by Rutgers. Duke ended the season 32-2.

dook's loss is clearly Texas' gain.  Good luck Coach G.

Would that more journalists saw things this way

ESPN.com's Jemele Hill apologizes to the Duke Lacrosse players wrongfully accused of rape (it's a long passage, but well worth the time and bandwidth):

My being a black woman, my knowing too many athletes who treat women like items to be purchased in a vending machine, and my witnessing enough athlete rape trials where accusers are overwhelmed by their fame and fortune -- it all tainted my perception and made me doubt your innocence.

I feel stupid now.

I could blame Durham County district attorney Mike Nifong, but that would be too easy. Oh, he's a lout, no doubt. He played upon the emotions of a community and its long-held hostilities, and put his reelection bid above morality and common sense. He played all of us and should be punished with nothing less than disbarment.

I could blame Jesse Jackson, who I have hoped for years would disappear to a faraway land where CNN wouldn't follow. As usual, Jesse showed up and showed out. He incited the masses and then left everyone else to sort out the wreckage. And if Jesse wants to gain an ounce of the credibility he no longer has, he would find the nearest camera -- and we know he's good at that -- and express sorrow with all the sincerity he can muster. But the day Jesse apologizes for causing a scene is the day Rosie O'Donnell wears a muzzle.

But if there is anything to be learned from Don Imus' fall, it's that real apologies are never accompanied by rationalizations.

So to Reade Seligmann, Collin Finnerty and David Evans, the three Duke lacrosse players whose lives were mangled by an unsupported rape accusation, I say two of the hardest words in the English language:

I'm sorry.

It's not enough, and I won't pretend that it is. For the last year, your lives and those of your families have been more difficult than any of us can possibly imagine. I'll never know what it was like walking around normal society labeled a rapist. I'll never know what it's like to lose everything -- your school, your program and your life -- because of one unproven accusation.

You deserve all of that back and then some, but unfortunately, you won't get it. You have every right to not trust anyone and think less of people. Duke University abandoned you. An overzealous prosecutor tormented you. A community, a nation, didn't believe you. Journalists everywhere, sensing ratings and salivating over the salaciousness of black strippers and white athletes, chose to keep you under attack.

Not that this is a contest to see who was wronged the most, but the Rutgers women's basketball team at least received justice, because Imus was suspended and dropped by MSNBC, which simulcasts his morning show. Plenty of people are outraged on their behalf.

But who is outraged on your behalf? What justice will you receive? Will the same networks that willingly aided in destroying your reputations now give you airtime to vent your frustrations? Will Jesse Jackson now offer the three of you a free scholarship like he did the "victim," since he helped assist in your battered reputation?

Maybe the only modicum of fairness you have received is that the News & Observer in Raleigh decided to print the name of your accuser. I don't normally advocate that the names of alleged victims be printed, but it feels right in this instance.

I know I'd certainly like to ask your accuser a few questions, even though she stood by her story as North Carolina's attorney general vehemently proclaimed your innocence. Does she understand she has tanked not only her credibility, but that of other women, too? Does she understand the next time a woman comes forward with an allegation this serious, all of our minds will scroll back to this case, and we will be less inclined to believe her? Does she know women with legitimate sexual-assault complaints will look at this furor and decide silence is best?

I can't deny that your race, gender and class have everything to do with how you were treated then and how you are treated now. Some people believe white men are exempt from sympathy and incapable of being maligned, so they will not swallow their pride and offer you the decency you should have received in the first place. Yes, you made an unwise decision to entertain strippers at a residence, but that just makes you guilty of being like 90 percent of college males.

Read the rest here.

Bravo to Ms. Hill, who put politics and BS aside in the face of what is right, and my best wishes to these three young men, who have learned a very painful lesson about race, class, and sex in this country.  I hope that they are able to pick up where they left off, and come to a place where people don't know their names except based on their accomplishments and kindnesses.

h/t Goldstein

Because I continue to endeavor to amuse myself

And because dook sucks:

The speaker is dook's official counsel in the lawsuit brought against them by the University of Louisville.

h/t Paladin

Hating dook is really all that matters

Even in the NY Times:

"At the University of North Carolina, there are many different types of people: frat boys and flamboyant gays, football players and math geniuses, evangelical Christians and newly converted Buddhists; but it is safe to assume that all of us agree about what's most important: hating Duke."

In this student essay about the community that is the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, sophomore Emily Banks spells it out. It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from or what you believe, as long as you hate dook. It's a feeling, an experience, a sense of community: the Carolina family.

And no, it's really not all about hating dook. That just comes with the territory. But I do have to say that having been a part of many university communities, the UNC family really is a family, with its own community and values and sense of belonging. Even as a yankee-Californian-grad-student-transplant, I have no qualms feeling an equal member of the Tar-Heel-born, Tar-Heel-bred set. And sure as hell, when I die, I'm planning on being a Tar Heel dead.

I can empathize with Emily.  I came from a school with no sports and a bunch of nerds too (Caltech, you know?) and entered this bizarro world with green trees and flowers and HUMIDITY and gods on the basketball courts.  I mean, have you ever seen the Dean Smith Center (click for the picture)?  If you didn't know what you were looking at you would think it was one of those Megachurches.  No kidding.  It didn't take long for Carolina to embrace me with both arms.  Probably the second best desicion of my life was to go to UNC.  The place and the people changed me in ways I am only now beginning to understand.  And like Emily, it's a place I love with my whole heart.  Something I never thought I'd find anywhere but here.